Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
