he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
