I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have post one night stand depression
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