I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
