This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
