I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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