I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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