I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
