What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize