Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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