Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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