why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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