i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish i was in the wii world.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
bring money and cleavage
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
