whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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