i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Still dying that you shit outside
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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