P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
