best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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