Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
