Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize