This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
