if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
