thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
