fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize