Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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