Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize