my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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