So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
