the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
