Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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