we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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