and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
