Please, let me fuck your mom
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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