chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
