oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
