I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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