A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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