If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
