omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
