you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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