Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
