he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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