We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
