I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize