idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
