It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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