Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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