masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
