My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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