apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
