Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
