something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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