my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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