Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
