but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize