the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
