puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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