There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
