Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
