We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
