I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
