i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
