We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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