The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
