We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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