his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Everyone says I win the strip club
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
