I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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