Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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