My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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