ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
